


Even wood groans under strain

by Subtle_Shenanigans



Series: As The Pendulum Swings, And The Grandfather Chimes [12]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Allusions to feeling stupid, Anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Depression, Fear, Gen, Not really mentioned but could be picked up upon maybe, OCD?, Second person POV, Some first person POV???, Triggers, Well - Freeform, aftermath of being people's scapegoat for, can't handle anger or yelling or tense emotions, i dunno, illogical guilt, in thoughts at least, just a vent, logic versus emotion, my own triggers mentioned, my whole life I guess, seriously, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 19:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subtle_Shenanigans/pseuds/Subtle_Shenanigans
Summary: Sometimes you can't help it.





	Even wood groans under strain

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone says anything!!!! 
> 
> I'm doing okay at the moment - I'm actually feeling much better mentally. I definitely slipped into severe depression the last few months (I guess you can be considered severely depressed without being suicidal), but I seem to be climbing back uphill at the moment.
> 
> Just thought I'd vent a bit with a vague piece. I don't feel this way at this exact moment, so don't worry. I just. . . I need an outlet, emotionally. I may start doing YT videos or something, since writing has been hard for me recently. But like I said, at this exact moment, I'm doing better.
> 
> It's all good ^u^.

_I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry sorry sorry-_

You're-

You. . .

_sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry-_

It's overwhelming. Encompassing. Cloying.

Choking.

There's no reason for it - no way it could be your fault.

The tension is not caused by you, or your actions. The accidents, the problems. 

And logically, you know this. You _know_ this.

But that doesn't stop guilt from clogging up your throat, or your eyes from burning as you fight of tears again and again.

A raised voice-

_it's my fault_

a tense tone-

_it's my fault_

Something breaks; something is misplaced, or finished off; there's a problem; anyone is upset for _any_ reason, **and** -

_it's my fault._

Logic be damned, because emotions don't recognize that a raised voice brings strenuous tenseness, or a flinch. Emotions don't know the difference between exasperation and anger.

You've always been too loud, or too ~~stupid~~ immature, or odd, or ' _what's wrong with you?'_ that you can't can't can't-

-nothing but a mess at this point, locking away emotions, can't really remember how to cry unless the emotional pain turns itself into a physical one-

and you want to sob, you really want, but you can't because your chest has locked up, frozen itself as absolute fear roots you to the spot, and you know-

but you can't help but _feel_ -

that everything is your fault.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll aim to write a more positive toned piece next time - maybe happy, or bolstering, or determined.


End file.
